DENIAL CURVES: WHO GAINS?

0
268

Does denial mean the same thing to you always? Sounds elementary to say that read and read are same but not the same. Has this got you thinking on the differences of denials, its possible meanings, interpretations and lot more?

Denials are inherent in all of us but more among those who masterfully nurtured it to become a way of life. For them, it can be done intuitively – without reasoning. For others it is sometimes used as kind of defense mechanism, the easy way out.

Youths, please, beware. Do not imbibe denials for it can be planted, nurtured to unhealthy growth. It is a game of nations. Some nations wear denials as a toga but to their peril.

A teacher once gave this narrative to his class. There was a location in Africa. When their colonial rulers arrived, they recognized their individual differences in degrees. They realized that they are Africans, essentially of the Kwa/Congo language complex.

Their physical features are largely same but slightly changing in the middle due to intermingling of different racial stocks dating back to centuries. Yet, it is a mix of the same black people with punctuation of other ethnic origins. This simple complex identity seems to be clearly known by all in this complexion. It gave them all a sense of identity in a relationship that is not always even.

As uneven as were, things follow the fact that human society is a construct shifting consistently, a times balancing up to allow growth and decay even survival.

Gradually these obvious identities started to maroon, decay even suffer a breakdown. There was effort at obliterating these identities by deceit and fiat. Denials became the official game. All kinds of subterfuge and vocabulary were used to deceive, blend and confuse the unwary. Let us not ask about the intentions. But the outcome is like stroking of fire. Naturally, the fire got burning.

 Denials have hurt the people and still hurting them as self-evident facts are daily denied.

How can this narrative apply to a growing young person you may ask?

 This takes us to another narrative of a young man very promising. As he grows he relishes in denying his childhood and other weaknesses known to others about him.

Blatantly this lad denies being younger before his elders. His dark complexion is denied because he bleaches. He becomes lazy, defiant, proud and arrogant. He claims to know what he never learned formally or informally or by association. This fellow tells you his ideas are the best and well established.

 Well-meaning persons around him know he was on a downward spiral to infamy. Some wondered whether he has what psychologist describe as split personality. In circumstances where his shortcomings burst forth, he is quick to deny them as a passing phase.

But we know too well that life phases have a stop. At old age it begins to stop and at death it finally stops as we know. It becomes prudent to face the reality while imagined and salvaging phases last.  Indeed, while the sun shines.

At every turn, the young man exclaims “very unfortunate”. His words are deceitfully coined adjectives to weaken strong observations. He thought it was the way to go until his obvious ills became known to all. This fellow grew to adulthood with the proverbial black nose that are seen by all even amidst a thousand persons! Yet denials remain a sport!

What follows was years of ineptitude, black lash, isolation, shame, and poverty. Pariah was deservedly his new name. God forbid he tells himself. As they are wont to say: the enemies have done their worst. But say not enemies but denials imbibed to destructive limits.

Denials of this kind or of a lesser kind has wreaked havoc on many youths. Denials are said to have long history dating back to creation. Of course, a long story goes with it. The aftermath is longer than the story and it has not ended.

There are conditions precedent to denying facts facing us. They are legions. Figure them out one after the other in your case. In addition, give yourself a space to observe, reason, compare, reexamine your seeming objectivity that perhaps has not risen an inch from your nose of subjectivity.

Draw from open education of nature and the world around you. Peep into history. Perhaps you will modify your constructs, maybe straighten out what was perceived to be straight. It could prepare you for more successful journeys through difficult terrain far better than the denial slope.

The other denial has benefits. Some call it self-denial or delayed gratification. It derives from common knowledge that every good thing takes time. When hijacked too early it could subvert long term advantages. It could become a bane.

You may ask why driving license are not issued to minors. Because a precocious child passed senior examinations and earned degrees have not radically changed admission requirements in many tertiary institutions. Many know that there could be exceptions, yet, to go through a process requires time, exposure, training, discipline, pains. The absorptive capacity to think through theory and experience when complex issues beckon goes beyond quick mind of a child.

Please, draw graphical lines of denials. Place it side by side. Ponder through your experience and a heading “denials and denial”. Which can you relate with? Which are you nurturing? Which is the master? Type A or Type B? Since the popular one is not the way up, the Type B which is self-denial may support you better in your youth. Perhaps, it can lend to adjustment in life. Denial B may be the preferred choice in this discussion because it comes better and later.

 Remember the hypothetical country that chose to deny everything confronting it. The young man too. Lullabies he song for himself to sedate, leaving him with poor mental state, performances and even failures. Do not forget denials and denials. Differentiate the attachments for your good.

Next time you are confronted with this issue: ask which denials? What are the curves and gain?

LEAVE A REPLY